Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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