Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
