If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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