Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
