I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
