nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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