She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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