He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
