he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
