I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
