Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
