I just cut my nipple shaving
dude i'm inner monologue high
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
