I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
