im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize