when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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