I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize