I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
