I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Let's get the cat blown out
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
