Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
