Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
