You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
