I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
