I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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