Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
