I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
