sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
