I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize