i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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