Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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