im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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