Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
