I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize