The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
