made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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