We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
