I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
