how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
