I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm getting married
To pizza
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
