Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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