and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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