I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
