i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
