Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
