you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
