Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
