with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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