I just pynch a tree in the face
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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