He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
