we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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