two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Someone signed my nipple.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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