I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
