Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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