Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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