I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
