The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
