If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
