Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he fucked my hip out of place.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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