i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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