I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
