I hate your face
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
