Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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