Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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