I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
operation have a gay friend backfired
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize