my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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