Barsexuality is the new black.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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