i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize