you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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