***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just tell him i said nine months
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
