i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
