you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
farters have to be the big spoon...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
