I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
