Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
handjob tips. give me some.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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