Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It was confusing and full of hummus
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
