We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Less talking, more tequila
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
