There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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