shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
