White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
